Friday Roundup (of News & Thoughts & Such) - October 28, 2022

Thoughts

I am in the midst of preparing my magnum opus for this blog and I am really excited by it. All will be revealed soon. Or maybe it will suck.

Hey let me ask you guys a question. How many bridges can you name that actually make songs better? I can think of very few. In fact, I typically use the bridge as the point where I either restart the song (if on repeat) or skip to the next track. I think they’re just expected. But, like, they’re usually bad. Dane says I’m crazy. Dane says a lot of things. Many of them very hurtful. Editor's note -- I am a piece of shit.

News

1. The sad, entirely avoidable, but totally predictable downfall of [REDACTED] 

I keep saying I’m not going to write anything else about this guy, because I quite frankly don’t want to give him the attention he so desperately craves. At the same time, though, not reporting on recent events constitutes borderline journalistic malpractice and (on the weeks that I actually put effort into this column) I am nothing if not a top notch, A+ tier journalist. 

All that in mind, let’s talk about [REDACTED]. As we are all likely aware from the sterling reporting of one Aaron Botts, 2 weeks ago, [REDACTED] is presently in freefall after a series of antisemitic… I don’t want to say comments, that’s too light. Ramblings. Ravings. You’ve seen what he said. 

You will further recall the now infamous Drink Champs interview in which [REDACTED] said, “I can say anti-semitic shit and Adidas cannot drop me.” Adidas then dropped him. Irony is loosely defined by me in a literary sense as a state of affairs contrary to what one believes or understands. 

Adidas, in its statement, said that it “does not tolerate antisemitism or any other sort of hate speech… [REDACTED]’s recent comments and actions have been unacceptable, hateful and dangerous, and they violate the company’s values of diversity and inclusion, mutual respect and fairness.” I feel compelled to point out that Adidas was founded by and is named after a literal Nazi. Now, I recognize that one guy 80 years ago is not indicative of the modern corporate culture of the company or its “values” (making moneeeeeeey). In fact, Adidas has long been my footwear brand of choice. And yet, I further feel compelled to point out that irony is loosely defined by me in a literary sense as a state of affairs contrary to what one believes or understands.

Further worth noting that, while Adidas would obviously lose the rights to the [REDACTEEZY] brand name, it maintains sole ownership of any already existing designs. So, if Adidas wants to keep selling these products, all it has to do is tack a new label over the old one, like some kind of reverse bootleg fashion stand at the flea market.

Of course, the brand name does carry some value and the company stock price did take a hit. Yet, that hit was relatively small potatoes compared to [REDACTED], whose personal net worth plummeted by roughly 75%, from $2 billion to a paltry $400 million. You know what’s super fucked up is that his net worth at present is closer to my net worth than it is to his prior net worth. That’s one of those fun “scale of money” thought experiments that you see online sometimes.

Elsewhere, the Donda Sports brand took a massive hit as every single one of its signed athletes announced their departure from the agency amid the controversy. There were only two, but what I said sounded more dramatic. 

Upon being offered a free private tour of the Los Angeles Holocaust Museum, [REDACTED] replied that “Planned Parenthood is [his] Holocaust Museum.” And now the Holocaust Museum is getting threats from the internet trolls who comprise 100% of the [REDACTED] fanbase at this point. Neo-nazi groups are hanging up signs to inform passersby that [REDACTED] “is right about the Jews.” This is all so tiresome. Depressing. Everything in between. 

Kim Kardashian has weighed in with tweets in support of the Jewish community and calling for an end to the “hateful violence and terrible rhetoric towards them,” though she did not name names.

I don’t like that I just wrote over 500 words about this dude and said, “good enough” only to find out that no, I am not done. Because who else but [REDACTED] proceeded to show up at Skechers headquarters “unannounced and uninvited.” He was escorted from the premises by two executive after a “brief discussion” and Skechers immediately issued a statement to inform the world that it “is not considering and has no intention of working with [REDACTED].”

The man is on a speedrun of pissing off every shoe company, in descending order of relevance. New Balance’s time will come soon enough, I’m sure. But I don’t anticipate that he will be jumping over Jumpman again.

No, I will not talk about the Yecosystem.

Donda Academy also “closed” “at the discretion of our founder” only to abruptly reopen hours later “with a vengeance.”

SON OF A BITCH THERE’S MORE SHIT. A “source” told CNN that [REDACTED] has “an obsession” with Adolf Hitler, and that “He would praise Hitler by saying how incredible it was that he was able to accumulate so much power and would talk about all the great things he and the Nazi Party achieved for the German people.” He apparently also spoke openly of his reading and enjoying Mein Kampf, particularly interesting in that he also recently claimed to have never read a book. 

Look guys, I liked his music. Loved it. MBDTF changed my life in a totally sincere, unironic way. We’re allowed to admit that. We’re also allowed to admit he’s not worth it. That doesn’t make us hypocrites or bad people. It just makes us people who are capable of understanding that circumstances change. There’s no coming back from this anymore. It’s not going to blow over when a new album comes out. There’s not going to be a Notes App apology that fixes everything. To even begin to heal the damage that has been done would require an amount of introspection of which Kanye West has proven himself to be completely incapable. 

2. Hey, we might get some new Rihanna?

Maybe we won’t, but theoretically a new song will have dropped for the Black Panther: Wakanda Forever soundtrack by the time this gets published. FINALLY.

3. I have a lot of questions about the Steve Lacy saga:

Steve Lacy, who is not a “relatively new artist” in spite of claims of lesser publications, is presently embroiled in a mini controversy after a video went viral of him smashing ~something~ after it was thrown at him. I’ve seen some articles saying it was a phone, others saying it was a camera. These were published on various days, so it’s not even a “well, the story became clearer” situation. 

But also, this item was apparently thrown at him first, right? So it was already on the stage? So then why did he then ask the audience member to hand him the ~something~? Common sense would dictate that the thrown object and the smashed object were two different objects, right? Yet, to reiterate, that is not the reporting. 

I don’t particularly care either way. Don’t throw shit at people. Not just on stage but in general. In any context. Dodgeball? Cancel that shit. Foo Fighters very famously stopped playing “Big Me” for years because fans kept throwing Mentos at them in a reference to the music video. Apparently they thought the band would find this funny? Have you ever been on a boat or something where you’re uncovered and moving really fast when it rains? And the rain feels like little tiny needles? It does not feel great. Mentos are like… fucking tiny rocks. Bits of gravel or some shit. Don’t throw shit.

Anyway, Steve Lacy says he doesn’t owe anyone an apology for smashing the ~something~ and I’m personally inclined to agree that we could all be a little less entitled and stop treating artists like zoo animals. And then treat zoo animals better too. 

4. Taylor Swift moved a million units in a week:

The last artist to do this? Taylor Swift in 2017. We here at channel.WAV did not feel Midnights to be Taylor’s best work but it’s very clear that there’s an audience for it.

That being said, the “Bejeweled” music video, in what I can only imagine was a personal concession to Aaron Botts, features the Haim sisters prominently. It also prominently features Oscar winner Laura Dern in what I can only imagine was a personal concession to Brandon Slone, noted Laura Dern enthusiast who once called the year 2020 a “net positive” because Laura Dern won an Oscar. On August 17, 2020, I sent the following text to a friend of mine: “I am not joking once a week I remember that Laura Dern has an Oscar and I just smile.” Laura Dern RULES. So, if you’re thinking about watching the “Bejeweled” music video, go watch Inland Empire instead. As Dane said in our Staff Inspection for this album, “We’re in the David Lynch era.” And that, my friends, is what I call synchro-fucking-nicity.

5. This Jane’s Addiction Tour is CURSED:

Perry Farrell founded Lollapalooza. He is a very talented and, indeed, influential man. I have very fond memories of “Been Caught Stealing” on the Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas soundtrack. Perry Farrell is also, objectively, one of the most ghoulish looking people in existence, a title that he shares with NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. 

This picture shrieked at me

Anyway, Farrell and Jane’s Addiction, the band that brought him to prominence, are on tour with Smashing Pumpkins. The tour already suffered a major setback when guitarist Dave Navarro (the guy from Ink Master!) bowed out due to lingering Long Covid symptoms. Now, Farrell has canceled 5 dates due to an unspecified injury for which he is presently undergoing physical therapy. Jane’s Addiction has been replaced on the tour by Our Lady Peace, which is the rough equivalent of when you ask for Dr. Pepper and they tell you that all they have is a jar of olive brine. No, those two things are not equivalent. Why did you ask me that?

Jane’s Addiction superfans need fear not, however. For the low, low price of one comment below, you’ll receive a signed copy of the Dane’s Addiction cover album. That was an awful joke and I’m sorry I said it. 

6. Madonna and Cardi B had beef, settled it:

Music icon and noted plagiarist Madonna took to Instagram over the weekend to talk about the 30 year anniversary of Sex, a softcore pornographic erotic art coffee table book written by Madonna herself.

In the Instagram story, Madonna noted, “I was called a whore, a witch, a heretic, and the devil” before pointing out that “Now Cardi B can sing about her WAP. Kim Kardashian can grace the cover of any magazine with her naked ass and Miley Cyrus can come in like a wrecking ball…. You’re welcome bitches…🤡”

While Cardi B has certainly been no stranger to acknowledging Madonna as an influence and a role model, the clown emoji did not sit well with her, as she tweeted that Madonna “can make her point without putting clown emojis and getting slick out the mouth,” that “These icons really become disappointments once u make it in the industry…”

Within a few hours, Cardi tweeted again to tell us that she and Madonna had spoken, and also telling us to drive safely. 

Such

What’s channel.WAV listening to this week?

Slone: Overshadowed by the Taylor Swift release, I’ll recommend the new Arctic Monkeys album, The Car.

Botts: Hurricane by Plains, Waxahatchee, and Jess Williams

Is this song too country for HAIM?

Theatrical Banger: "Do You Hear the People Sing?" from Les Mis

This has been in my head given the world around us

Ritter: BOO! 👻

Did I scare you? I retract my statement last week -- this is the scariest song of all time. I also second Brandon's listening of the week, stay tuned for my article. Happy Halloween!!

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We received a surprising number of ZERO recommendations for our next concert -- hit us up below with some great acts near Lexington!

- Slone aka BSlime