Friday Roundup (of News & Thoughts & Such) - August 19th, 2022

Thoughts

Drake’s “Forever” has the most cumbersome and least catchy hook of any hit in the history of popular music. There’s not really a tune to it and it just kinda meanders for like 30 seconds. I listened to that song a lot when I was 15 because it had 2 rappers I liked a lot, 1 rapper I was fine with, and 1 rapper I couldn’t stand. Lock in your guesses for who’s who in the comments, though if you’ve spoken to me for more than 9 seconds you could probably figure it out. First right answer gets a lock of Dane’s hair.

The actual hook clocks in at 27 seconds but we’re “Rounding Up” because it’s FRIDAY!!

News

1. Rick Ross casually breaking labor laws

Ross apparently violated minimum wage, overtime, and child labor laws stemming from reports from 5 WingStop locations owned by the rapper. His company, Boss Wings Enterprises LLC reportedly required employees to pay for their own uniforms, training, and background checks, while also forcing them to pay out of pocket for any shortages found in the cash register at the end of the day. The combined impact of these charges was bringing average wage below the already comically low $7.25 minimum. Rick Ross, apparently, is Mr. Krabs. 

2. A$AP Rocky faces charges: 

Rocky pleaded not guilty to 2 charges of assault. If convicted, he will face up to 9 years in prison.

3. Jack White is feeling pedantic:

Jack White, who still looks like Evan Peters going through a Tim Burton phase, took to Instagram with some “important questions” concerning Snoop Dogg’s Snoop Loopz cereal. In response to the cereals claim of having “More Marshmallows”, White posted: 

“I would like to personally congratulate Snoop Dogg on his new cereal release and a pat on the back for its charitable benefits that it will be producing, nice one. But i do have a couple of important questions about the box that the cereal is delivered to customers in; in the press release from Broadus foods, the photo of the cereal box contains the words "MORE MARSHMALLOWS". More than what? if this is in fact a brand new cereal, it can't be more marshmallows than "before". Is it a statement that this cereal has more marshmallows than say...a bag of sand, or a typical caesar salad? Or, is it a DEMAND from Snoop Dogg himself that we just have more marshmallows in this world in general? That last theory is my hope. Lastly, the photograph on Master P's instagram shows a DIFFERENT phrase, an un-plural "MORE MARSHMALLOW" without the "S". Photo attached, answers demanded.”

He raises a compelling point. I always liked the White Stripes more than the Black Keys. Speaking of which:

4. Michelle Branch arrested:

Dane’s childhood hero Michelle Branch filed for divorce from her husband, Patrick Carney of the Black Keys, following an altercation that ended in her arrest on domestic violence charges. Branch had alleged earlier in the day that Carney had been having an affair with his manager.

5. Rolling Stone isn’t doing numerical reviews anymore and honestly I think we should all celebrate the fact that we don’t have to get all worked up over subjective numerical scores that are largely arbitrary since there’s no functional difference between a 2 and a 2.5 and also they give everything between a 3 and a 4 anyway unless you’re a classic rock titan in which case they will dole out a 5, now if we could just deal with AllMusic

Such

What’s channel.WAV listening to this week?

Ritter: I can’t stop thinking about how great this album is. Here’s my favorite track, ya nerds. And then go vote for the Song of the fucking Summer, pretty please.

Slone: I’ve listened to very little music lately but there’s new MIA so I’m just gonna recommend that because I’ve always been a big fan of her work. Actually I recommend her whole discography. Arular and Kala are both incredible, with the latter being held down only by a super unnecessary Timbaland track.

Botts: Will HAIM ever comment below..?

Theatrical Banger: "Everything Comes Down to Poo" from Scrubs

💩 is always funny 🤷🏻‍♂️

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I did the comment part earlier in the article, so just scroll back up to the top and read it, then scroll back down here and leave a comment; capisce?

- Slone