Friday Roundup (of News & Thoughts & Such) - September 23/24, 2022

Thoughts

When I was a kid, I didn’t like Phil Collins because I thought he made music for old people. Now, I spent the last week listening to nothing but Peter Gabriel… am I old?

On this subject, what are the odds that Phil Collins was drumming for Genesis and replaced Peter Gabriel when he left? How often does a singer leave, but the drummer just happens to have the exact same singing voice? That’s a statistical anomaly.

I got my second booster earlier and I can already feel my body getting deeply offended; as such, there will be no proofreading. 

News 

1. I may need to put out an article about [REDACTED]:

[REDACTED] here, cosplaying as a January 6th insurrectionist.

I’m not a big “breaking news” typa fella but holy smokes this guy has gone crazier than ever, while simultaneously thinking that he is going through a redemption arc? He doesn’t usually act this fucking stupid outside of release cycles, so stay tuned for DONDA 3, which I assume will be 9 hours long yet not as boring as the original DONDA, which remains the most boring 31 hours of music I’ve ever heard. Wikipedia says it’s 108 minutes. I don’t think that’s correct, because I started playing it the day it came out over a year ago and I just checked and saw that I’m less than halfway through.

SO, in the last week, he “apologized” to Kim Kardashian, saying “This is the mother of my children, and I apologize for any stress that I have caused, even in my frustration because God calls me to be stronger… I need this person to be less stressed and of the best sound mind and as calm as possible to be able to raise those children.” [REDACTED] (i think this is the last time I’m gonna do this bit) telling anyone about being calm and of sound mind is a level of irony that Alanis Morrissette could not DREAM OF.

In other news concerning longtime enemy of the blog [REDACTED], he is currently in the midst of feuds with both The Gap and adidas. As an aside, an enemy of Adidas is an enemy of mine even when they haven’t spent the last 5 years destroying my enjoyment of their work. 

[REDACTED] also put out a statement refuting claims that he is selling his song catalog, comparing himself to Taylor Swift (lol) and saying that his songs are being sold without his permission. 

ALSO, he said in an interview that he has never read a book, comparing reading to brussels sprouts. I assume he has never eaten brussels sprouts either. Because that’s a thing that you just assume you don’t like when you’re a kid but then you grow up and you get those brussels sprouts from, like, BJ’s (you know the ones? They fucking rock) and you say “oh man, what have I been missing?” and then you go like an entire summer where you and your girlfriend constantly make these really good pan fried brussels sprouts with goat cheese that are just to die for. 

Also there’s an unlicensed Kanye video game that may or may not be a cult recruitment tool.

2. In other news, the Action Bronson wrestling match happened:

I’m gonna review the match in next week’s column. I didn’t watch it yet because it aired at 10pm on a Friday and I’m not a fucking NERD.

3. Seguing now into everyone’s favorite news story of the week: Adam Levine’s sexting. 

“Holy fuck. Holy fucking fuck. [Adam Levine’s attempts at sexting are] absurd.” Fella was accused of cheating on his wife with an Instagram model, who also alleges that he told her he wanted to name his daughter after her. Levine says he was never unfaithful but that he exercised “poor judgment” by engaging in flirtatious banter with a woman who was not his wife. Then the screenshots came out and everything got really fucking funny. In addition to the above-referenced “holy fucking fuck”, we also got “It is truly unreal how fucking hot you are. It blows my mind.” Things then took a darker turn, as they often do, when Levine’s former yoga teacher accused him of treating her “like used trash” after sending her flirtatious text messages.

Such

What’s channel.WAV listening to this week?

Ritter: We were talking about the "Talking Book" trope in my Contemporary African-American literature class this week and I said to myself, "hey wait a minute... that's the name of a Stevie Wonder album!" And a damn good one, too.

Slone: In my top 20 albums list, published last October, I said of the Magnetic Fields’ 69 Love Songs: “I appreciate a good high concept. This takes that to the extreme. It’s literally 69 love songs, spaced across 3 compact discs. And here’s the crazy thing: They’re all pretty damn good. “All My Little Words,” “Papa Was a Rodeo,” and, of course, “The Book of Love” are standouts but, again, the total package is essential listening.”

In regard to “The Book of Love” specifically, I submit that “The Book of Love has music in it / In fact it’s where music comes from / some it’s just transcendental / some of it’s just really dumb” is as beautiful a piece of poetry as anything I’ve ever read in my life, and encapsulates the “ostensibly sardonic but actually deeply idealistic” attitude that I’ve adopted.

Botts: @HAIM?

Theatrical Banger: “Another Day of Sun” from La La Land - Dane was in tears 4 minutes into La La Land and this song is exclusively why.

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What do you think about… literally anything? Leave a comment. Tell me all your thoughts on God. ‘Cause I’d really like to meet her.

- Slone