I started writing this almost 2 years ago. It is not, nor should it be construed as, a review of this album. It is instead something more akin to a PSA. I want you to know that this existed. That someone came up with this idea.
You see, during the fall of 2020, I developed a brief obsession with cosmic horror. Something about being powerless in the face of horrors beyond our control, things that simply should not be, just seemed relatable to me, I guess. Not sure why! During this time period, I also became super interested in the work of Tom Waits.
But, yet again, before beginning my earnest discussion of the album, I would like to delve into my opinions of ScarJo herself and, by extension, the abstract concept of mediocrity.
When it comes to art (of any medium), there is absolutely nothing worse than mediocrity. Even a bad or terrible movie is at least good for a laugh. If we look at the below (very scientific) graph, we can see that enjoyment of a “terrible” piece of art is approximately equal to a “good” piece of art, hence the phrase “so bad it’s good.”
When I was a lad of 20, I happened upon a Youtube video of a ~terrible~ song written and performed by an acquaintance. It was among the worst things I’ve ever encountered. I still know every word. I cannot, however, remember the basic tune of the song playing on the radio during my commute this morning. Scarlett Johansson (and Colin Jost) are the human embodiment of this concept.
So, when I found out that this album existed in that fateful summer of 2020, I had two thoughts: 1). Oh god, why; 2). I have to review this.
The first thing I wrote solo for this blog was a review of Garth Brooks’ ill-advised “Chris Gaines” rock album. I noted in that review that I expected the album would either be a lost masterpiece or something so bad as to be incredible. Instead, it fell into the dreaded “mediocrity” zone. I had a similar thought about this album, except I went in fully expecting a trainwreck. What I got instead was a dull, dream pop-adjacent album.
It has been consigned to the dustbin of history now, but at the time, critics seemed willing to pretend this was something special. NME gave it an 8/10 and compared ScarJo to Nico and Ronnie Spector. Coincidentally, NME, a mere month before this album’s release, included Sitek on its list of the "50 Most Forward Thinking People in Music". I must say, I appreciate the doubling down. Spin went out of its way to tell us this was not a Hollywood vanity project, as if there is nothing vain about wedging an original song between 10 covers.
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| ScarJo with Elijah Wood and David Bowie, for some reason. (2004) |
Much like the Chris Gaines album, there’s nothing here that can make this “must listen” material for good or for bad, unless you just really want to hear the most boring arrangement of “I Wish I Was in New Orleans” or “I Don’t Wanna Grow Up” imaginable. Also, David Bowie does backing vocals on 2 songs.
ScarJo only released one more album, 2009’s Break Up, in collaboration with Pete Yorn. She would then leave the music business behind to star in 9 Marvel movies per year. I hope this was informative.
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What else would you like to see covered in the aptly-named, "Why does this exist?" Sound off in the comments below!
- Slone
The only thing Brandon does well is tantalize an audience. Good article gentlemen. Even better graph. 3/5 stars - wouldn’t change a thing.
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