Thursday, June 30, 2022, 7:06PM: Brandon L. Slone, Esq., the handsome, debonair auteur behind the beloved Friday Roundup of News and Thoughts and Such series, fresh off a large dinner at the Texas Roadhouse, sends a text to the channel.WAV group message, asking if he is supposed to be writing a Friday Roundup of News and Thoughts and Such.
7:11PM: Aaron Botts sends a responsive text, containing his “blurb” for the “What’s channel.WAV listening to this week?” section.
8:07PM: Brandon L. Slone, having already forgotten what he is supposed to be doing, falls asleep.
8:46PM: Dane Ritter, channel.WAV founder, editor-in-chief, CEO, and majority shareholder, sends his blurb.
11:31PM: Brandon L. Slone awakens from what was supposed to be a short nap, he looks at his phone and says “oh. Fuck.”
11:49PM: Brandon L. Slone, having wasted some time writing an elaborate introduction, formally begins work on the Friday Roundup of News and Thoughts and Such. I’m a top notch friend.
1. Artists speak out about reproductive freedom:
And you should too, via a donation to your local abortion fund. Learn more here: https://abortionfunds.org/funds/
2. R. Kelly sentenced to 30 years in prison
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The lightning round: Breaking format this week, there’s a lot to discuss and I simply lack the time or energy to comment on everything.
1. Travis Barker hospitalized for pancreatitis:
Barker was rushed to the hospital on Tuesday for an undisclosed reason, which was revealed the following day to be pancreatitis. There’s little word on his condition at this point but we all obviously wish him the best.
2. Nipsey Hussle trial:
The murder trial for Eric Holder (not to be confused with the former US Attorney General of the same name), the man who killed Nipsey Hussle, reached its closing statement phase this week. At the same time, the trial took a turn for the dramatic when Holder was attacked in his holding cell, being slashed with a razor blade which required stitches, delaying proceedings.
3. SpotemGottem charged with “reckless operation of a boat:
The rapper, who is apparently not a child, fled police on a jet ski, and was described (by Wikipedia) as “weaving through parked boats and swimmers” in his escape attempt.
4. I haven’t made fun of MGK in a minute:
He smashed a glass on his head at an after party, shouting “Bro, I don’t give a shit!” to a crowd of onlookers who presumably did not accuse him of giving a shit beforehand.
What’s channel.WAV listening to this week?
Slone: This has been a week where I’ve truthfully been too busy to listen to much music. This old chestnut did pop up on my Discover Weekly, however, to remind me of my younger years. (“Ruby” by The Apples in Stereo)
Ritter: It’s been vacation week for the Ritters and I promised my family if they got me drunk I’d act like a house DJ for a day. Here’s some great house music (not you, Drake).
Botts: If any HAIM sister wants to get a coffee, lmk in the comments below
Theatrical Banger: Monorail Song from The Simpsons
The Simpsons demonstrate that all you need is a catchy tiktok length video to sell a town on a political issue.
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Folks, Dane here to hijack our weekly request for comments. I'm fighting off a serious hangover, but I can't help but notice that Brandon never explained our "falling out." Visit our comment section to once again beg him for the EXPLOSIVE truth.
- Ritter
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Thanks for yelling at us!